FAQ

[frequently asked questions]

FAQ

If you've come here from a search engine, you are invited to check out the rest of the site. It is a veritable treasure trove of valuable and insightful infotainment.

Are you associated with tinoland.com, tino.com, tino.org, etc.?

No. tinoland.com is an incredibly cool site belonging to a graphic artist in France. I would like to have him killed, even though he's named Tino (and therefore dear to my heart), because I want the tinoland.com domain name. He can have tinoland.fr. (Note: I do not actually want anyone killed. Not this person, anyway.)

Tino.com was, until recently, owned by what appear to be domain squatters from Quebec. The last time I looked, though, the registration address had moved to the Cayman Islands. The plot thickens.

Tino.net is a lackluster personal website of some guy in Switzerland. He offers information on salsa dancing, though.

Tino.org is some resource for teachers of Danish, Dutch, and Greek. There must be some mysterious connection between Greek and the other two languages. I know enough Danish and Dutch to get in trouble in both Amsterdam and Copenhagen, but all the Greek I know is a few thousand years out of date. Possibly the Dano/Dutch-Greek connection post-dates my Greek.

What about the Nissan Tino?

Nissan approached me some time ago, asking whether I'd lend my name to one of their cars. They were referred to me by my good friend Altima Scharfmann, with whom they'd worked before.

I was intrigued, and worked with them through the design process to ensure that the vehicle which would bear my name would really capture the essence of Tino. It required a lot of trips between Tino HQ in Virginia and the Nissan Technical Centre in Cranfield (Beds.), but I think we ultimately succeeded.

Please note that the Nissan Tino is only available in certain European countries. I am negotiating with a large German automaker for the North American rights. The Tino GTI could be coming soon to a freeway near you!

Did you have any role in the invention of Tinosorb?

For those of you not in the know, Tinosorb (a.k.a. 2.2´methylene-bis- (2H.benzotiazol-2-yl)-4-tetramethyl-butyl-1.1.3.3-phenol) is a chemical from Ciba that increases the UV-protection factor of your clothes.

And yes, I was involved in the creation of that product. Most of the hard work was done by the bright Ciba people in North Carolina and Switzerland, but the original idea and some of the first attempts at it were mine. Ciba showed their gratitude by naming the product after me -- in addition to driving a dump-truck full of money up to my house.

Weren't you on My So-Called Life?

Yes, that was me.

Do you really have as far-flung a personal empire as I've heard?

I don't know what you've heard, but I do have business interests all over the globe. Besides the freelance consulting for Nissan that I mention above, there's the racing operation in Finland, the computer shop in Zagreb, the hair salon in New Jersey, the record label, and the bar in Seville. And whenever I get to Sémeries, I hold up my end of the Tino et Polo Spectacle de Clowns. I also dabble in fashion design from time to time, for which I have been recognized by having some of my designs marketed with my own name.

Do you have your own fragrance?

Tino: The Fragrance is currently in development, scheduled for release to the general public in mid-2003. Tino pour hommes will follow in time for the 2003 holidays.

Don't I know you from somewhere?

Probably. I do get around a lot. You've probably met me at one time or another. How you've forgotten the experience, though, is beyond me. Most people report that meeting Tino is like being run over by a truck -- but in a good way.

What do you look like?

I'm devastatingly handsome, and athletic to boot. You can see photos of me on the Tino page of the photo gallery.

What do you do for a living?

I am independently wealthy. I live off my investments, and do a bit of consulting now and then.

You sure do complain a lot.

That's not a question, but I'll attempt to respond anyway.

I might complain a lot, but then the world is an imperfect place and demands a lot of complaining. It is my opinion that most of the imperfections in the world are the result of people not thinking their decision all the way through.

Are you related to Fat Tony D'Amico?

No. Fat Tony D'Amico is a cartoon character on The Simpsons. Despite what you may have heard elsewhere, I am not a cartoon character. Fat Tony and I have never met.

Are you this guy I'm trying to buy inkjet cartridges from?

No. There's a character on eBay who goes by the name "inkjetking", whose name is Tony D'Amico, and who sells cut-rate printer cartridges. I go by "tdamico" on eBay, and I do not sell printer cartridges.

Judging from the e-mail I get, it is not unheard-of for people to win auctions with inkjetking, send him money, and not get anything in return, at least not in short order. He also seems to not be good about responding to e-mail quickly, which is how I hear from his customers. His eBay feedback rating is very good, though -- most of his customers get their products quickly and seem to be satisfied with him -- so I suspect that the problems his customers have are due to parcels getting lost in the mail, etc.

The guy on eBay may or may not be Fat Tony D'Amico, of Simpsons fame. I have no information about that either way.